Through Thick And Thin
by TappinCastlefan
Summary: Everyone needs just one great best friend.   UPDATED for 4.11: "I just want you to be happy. And you are when you're with him."
1. Chapter 1

_So, this is something I feel is like a lost scene from the premiere. Which, was absolutely incredible, speaking of. I really honestly thought one of the most moving aspects of the hour was Tamala Jones's performance, and Lanie's situation. Think about it, first, we see her ride in, literally on her best friend, life-or-death situation. And then later, we see how upset she is when Beckett comes back and doesn't call her. Seriously, go look at Lanie's face during the crime scene. _

_Anyway, enough of my schpeel. _

_The idea to write this has been bugging at me, and I managed to squeeze this out in record time. Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: Castle belongs to the brilliant Mr. Andrew Marlowe._

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><p><em>A true friend unbosoms freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably.<br>__-William Penn_

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><p>The hall was far too cold, Lanie thought, for a hospital. A place so disconnected and nerve-wracking should at least try to offer <em>some<em> comfort. She sat with her arms wrapped around herself, holding in the pitiful quake she felt in her body. Her face was dry, though for how long, she couldn't guess. Javi had made sure to giver her some time before running back to the precinct with Ryan and Castle.

He had taken her by the arm to get cleaned up, standing right next to her, her rock, as she scrubbed her hands clean of her best friend's blood. And when she couldn't hold it in any longer, her shoulders and hands shaking uncontrollably, he took over.

"_Here, let me help." Javier took her wrists in his hands, wrapping himself around her. She stood between his chest and the countertop of the hospital bathroom. Her hands were trembling. Never had he seen his girlfriend so distraught. "This water's scalding, Lain," he whispered, voice shaking, "you're gonna burn yourself."_

_She heaved. "Just…help me get it off."_

_Javier could feel his heart pounding in his chest. This was not the Lanie Parish he was used to. And it scared the crap out of him. "Okay," gently, he cooled the water down so that it wouldn't melt her skin off, and rubbed the red flecks and splotches away. Once he was sure there were no more stains, he washed her hands one last time, toweled them dry for her._

_The instant she could, Lanie turned, burying her face in his shoulder. She didn't care that he was wearing the starched uniform – she just wanted him._

"_She crashed. On the way in?" She felt him pull her in tighter. "And I couldn't do anything. Just…kept putting pressure-" Her voice tripped on itself, spurring a short stint of hiccups._

"_Shhh…" he pressed his face to her hair, rubbing his hand up and down her back in an effort to soothe her. "I've got you." He had no choice; he had to push out the images of his boss, his friend, lying on a table with a gunshot wound. He could only concentrate on this right now. Lanie needed him before he went back into battle. "I love you, Lain. Don't forget that, okay?"_

He had then taken her to the cafeteria, made sure she had something in her stomach before regretfully leaving her. But she made him go. She felt better.

As 'better' as was humanly possible right now.

Lanie had waited with Kate's father, and Castle's mother and daughter. The doctor came out at some point; to bring Jim back with the promise to let her come too after Kate woke up.

That was almost two hours ago, she guessed.

"Lanie?" She snapped her head up to find Kate's dad standing in front of her. He looked so incredibly torn, she thought. "Katie's up, a little out of it, but up." He wrung his hands, "I'm going to run home for a change of clothes."

Lanie scrambled to her feet, "Yeah. I'm just gonna…" she motioned limply to the door he had come through.

"Keep her company for me?" He hugged her, surprising her. "Thank you. I'm so glad Katie has you."

"You don't need to thank me Mr. Beckett," she smiled softly when he let her go. "I'd do anything for her."

"Well then," he sighed, returning her smile, "I'll let you get back there. She'll be glad to see you."

Lanie nodded at the older gentleman. After he rounded the corner she took a deep breath, more air than she knew her lungs could hold, and pushed open the doors to the ICU.

Her stomach was in knots.

Kate's bed was first. On her right. She looked so small and frail. Not that Lanie thought she looked much better herself. Kate's head was tilted back, resting on a mountain of pillows. Her eyes were closed, but she was breathing.

There was a small series of wires attached to a machine running under the neck of her hospital gown, presumably monitoring her heart.

There was an IV attached to her left hand, of course, leading to a pole, where there were about three different bags of solution, plus a bag of blood, hooked up.

She _had_ lost a lot of blood.

Cautiously, she stepped closer to the bed, clearing her throat, not wanting to scare her.

Kate's eyes opened, she lifted her head. "Hey," she smiled faintly. Her voice may have been raspy and tired, but Lanie was sure glad to hear it again.

"Hey yourself." She couldn't help but smile back at her. "You up for a visit?"

"Yeah! Yeah, come sit. My dad just left."

"I know," she sighed, taking up the chair he had probably just been sitting in, "I saw him outside."

"He didn't want to leave. But I told him he should probably shower and put on clothes that aren't funeral clothes."

"Hmm," Lanie kept her head down, trying to hide the stress on her face. "How are you feeling?"

Kate tilted her head side to side. "Hurts. But," she thumbed her IV, "I've got pretty good meds. So I can still hold a conversation and not sound like one of the guys from the Narcotics lockup."

"Good. It's good that they're letting you stay awake for a bit. It means you're strong enough to heal on your own."

They were quiet, just staring at each other until Kate giggled, wincing slightly.

"What?" Lanie asked, laughing ever so slightly. "What's so funny?"

"You look terrible," she squeaked out.

Lanie huffed, "Gee, thanks. Shouldn't I be telling you that?"

"True," she cocked her head. "I'm sure I look awful right now." Suddenly the realization washed over her face. She ran a tired hand over her face. "I feel pretty awful."

Lanie leaned over, resting her hand on Kate's. "It'll get better, baby. Eventually."

"Yeah," she sighed, "there's the catch. 'Eventually'." She was clearly frustrated, they sat in silence again, both lost in a multitude of thoughts. "My doctor said that you came in with me. On the gurney?"

"Yeah," she whispered. She had to fight her mind to not flashback to those moments. Those terrifying minutes of the ride between the cemetery and the hospital. And the tense exchange between she and the surgical assistant who greeted them in the ER. "I had to make sure you didn't end up on _my_ table, didn't I?"

She got a nod and hum in return. Kate abruptly gripped her hand again, tighter, lacing their fingers together. "Lanie, you saved my life."

Her head shook violently. "No, I didn't."

Kate continued without hesitation. "Of course you did. We wouldn't be here arguing about it if you hadn't done what you did."

"Kate," she tried oh so hard not to cry again, "you're my best friend. It was a knee jerk reaction. I wasn't losing you."

They laughed again, oddly. A watery sound shared between the two. "I'd thank you, but I'm pretty sure you'd smack me. And I don't think I could hit you back right now."

Lanie shifted, leaning back in her chair to be more comfortable. "You should know better than to try that anyway. Regardless of being in a hospital bed."

"Of course," Kate smiled and rolled her eyes at her friend. "I assume you haven't left?"

"Mhmm. You're stuck with me 'till your dad gets back. The guys went back to work – I'm not sure what they found, before you ask – but they'll probably be here later. Martha and Alexis were here, but I made them go home to rest."

"Then why are you still here? You should rest, too."

"I'm okay. And if you think I'm leaving you alone you've got another thing coming." She sighed, leaning forward again. "I don't know if you remember much-"

"It's all pretty blurry right now."

"-but Castle pushed you out of the way. Before I got to you."

Kate's face dropped, her eyes wide in shock. "He did?"

"Yeah. I had to fight Javi to let me go. Castle was stunned, just holding you on the ground when I made it up to you. He came with us in the ambulance, too."

"Oh?" She shrugged, her brain frantically trying to remember those seconds between speaking and passing out. Her doctor told her that her memory could come back shortly, or never. She wasn't sure which option she was more scared of. "Where is he?"

"He went with the guys. You want me to call him?"

"No, I'll, uh…I'll have my dad call him later. Before he leaves again."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure Lanie. I want to spend some time with you right now. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time for everyone else coming up." She held her hand open on the bed again, as far over as she could reach.

Lanie smiled, putting their hands together again. "I was really worried about you, Kate. I thought they were gonna take you back to that operating room and that'd be the last time I'd see you. Javi had to take me aside earlier so I could get cleaned up."

"He's good for you, you know?" Kate smirked. Yeah, it was still a little weird for her that her best friend was dating one of her partners, but they made each other happy. Esposito was a good man, certainly loyal, and if Lanie was happy with him, she was happy for her.

"Yeah," the smile that appeared reached her eyes, all the more proof that they were good for each other, "I know he is." She sat, just twiddling her thumbs for a minute. "You probably have no idea, but I sort of yelled at you while we were coming in."

A few spare tears spilled over, for each of them. "Would I expect any less of you?" They laughed, letting the good feeling relax them.

"I yelled at the surgical assistant too." She grinned.

"Again, you wouldn't be you if you didn't." Kate face softened, really noticing the worry on her friend's face now. "I don't know what I did to get so lucky Lanie. To have you as my friend."

"I don't have an answer to that one. But, I'm really happy we are. Friends. We're a pretty good pair."

"Yeah," Kate laughed, rolling her eyes again, yet more playful this time. "You make me get dressed up and go out and try to have a life. And you yell at me and call me at all hours of the night just to talk."

"Yeah, and?"

"And, I kind of love it."

"Good," they let the laughter flow free now, "because if it weren't for you I'd still be the creepy woman in the morgue who didn't have any real friends to go out and have a life with or to call and talk to in the middle of the night. Who knew the rookie Detective who showed up to my very first solo homicide would've become my best friend?"

"Really Lanie, I don't know where I'd be without you. And I don't mean just this." She looked around at the open ICU. There were other patients in a few of the beds, but she was the only one with a visitor. Or at least, a visitor who didn't let her sit and wallow in her unfortunate situation.

"So," Kate fingered a lump in the blanket laying over her legs, "I'm gonna go with my dad, when they release me, up to his cabin. To recover, you know? I'm not sure how long I'll be gone."

"Of course, go! You need the time to rest and recuperate. I want to see you back on cases ASAP. Just…don't overdo it okay?"

"I'll try, Lanie."

"No!" She wagged her finger in Kate's face. "Don't just try. I want you to really do exactly what you're supposed to do. I meant it when I said I wasn't losing you. Don't screw up."

"Okay," she nodded frantically, shocked by Lanie's sudden change in demeanor, "I won't do anything I'm not supposed to. I'll take my time."

"You damn well better." A heavy puff of hair blew out of Lanie's lips. She relaxed again, folding her arms over her torso. She eyed Kate with a sly smile.

"Hey, Lanie?"

"What?"

"You promise not to hit me?"

Lanie's eyes quirked, "Sure?"

"Thank you. Really. For saving my life."

Lanie looked at Kate, and Kate looked at her, almost afraid. Then there were smiles.

"What are best friends for?"

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><p><em>There we have it readers! I really hope you liked it. If you all like it enough and I have time, I'll write one other tag-along piece I have in mind this weekend. I have an exam tomorrow, and an exam Friday, so unfortunately, the weekend is my free time. <em>

_Thanks for reading!_

**_Tappin_**

**_=)_**


	2. Chapter 2

_This is also set in 'Rise', just like the previous chapter. This actually breaks 3000 words, which is a lot for me. I really hope you like it. I was actually really really proud of the way the original chapter turned out, and I hadn't really been planning on continuing it for sure until the other day, when I just couldn't resist. I love writing for these characters, so I hope you like it as much as I do._

_Disclaimer: Not mine. At all. Sadly._

_Enjoy!_

_:D_

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><p><em>A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same.<em>

_-Elbert Hubbard_

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><p>"Gunshots to the chest, huh? Good thing Beckett sat this one out."<p>

Lanie froze the second Ryan's words came out of his mouth. Suddenly all the air in the room was pressing down on her. "Beckett's back?"

"Yeah." Ryan shifted on his feet, intrigued by the shock in her voice. "She hasn't called you either?"

The ME's eyes darted back and forth between the two detectives, stunned. "Not for weeks."

The sudden news of Kate's return had her head reeling. The last time they had spoken Kate wasn't sure what she was going to do about coming back. She had sounded so lost, breaking Lanie's heart. It had been like pulling teeth to get her to talk then, even. After one of the longest conversations they had had in ages, Kate decided that yes, she was going to come back, but no, she didn't know when. She ended the call claiming she was tired from therapy and needed to sleep.

Lanie hadn't heard from her since.

It scared her, to a point, to be clueless. She was always the type of person who needed to know, needed that control. That's why she was a medical examiner. To have all the answers. And now she knew absolutely nothing, and she hated it.

Some officer was going through the information with Ryan and Javier, but the words all seemed a blur to her. She felt the warmth of the back of Javi's hand against hers before his voice broke through the haze in her brain. "Time of death?"

"Between three and four AM."

She let the detectives get back to detecting and hightailed it out of the apartment. The body would get back to her morgue; she knew she didn't have to be there for every second. What she needed was to clear her head and figure out what the hell she was supposed to do.

By the time she got back to her office she at least knew where she was going to start. While she was still thinking relatively sane thoughts she pulled up to her desk, whipping her phone from its hiding place in her bag. His number was easy enough to find, since she had starred it as a favorite contact – just in case.

He answered on the third ring, calm and collected.

"_Dr. Parish, what can I help you with today?" _

She could hear the soft clang of pots and utensils in the background. "I'm sorry, did I interrupt you during something?"

"_No, not at all. I was just getting ready to fix some lunch. I assume you're calling about Katie?"_

She sighed into the phone and leaned back in her desk chair. "Yeah. Mr. Beckett-"

"_Lanie, I told you. It's Jim."_

"Sorry. Jim, I was actually wondering when Kate decided to come back. The last time we talked about it she wasn't sure, but I haven't really spoke to her since then."

"_To be perfectly honest, I'm really not that surprised. She's been a bit distant, and I'm really not sure why. I guess, a couple weeks ago it was? She told me that she was sick of being cooped up and needed to get back to work. And, since I know better to argue with her, I let her go."_ He huffed, pouring a box of noodles into the pot, as it sounded to her. _"I knew she'd be dealing with a psych evaluation anyway, so I've been trying not to worry too much. She calls me every night, just to touch base."_

"Well," she whispered, "I'm glad she's at least calling you."

"_She'll come around. Katie always does. It may just…take her some time. Don't let it shake you up too much. Besides, your boyfriend is one of her partners, right?"_

From her end, Lanie's lip twitched, the corner curling up ever so slightly. "How-how did you know that?"

"_What? You think Katie spent two and a half months up here and never told me anything? From what she told me it sounds like he loves you very much."_

"Yeah," she smiled, "he's pretty great himself. And yeah, he'll keep Kate in line for us."

"_Good to know. Now, how is it possible that you have no patients to attend to? Katie told me you're the best ME around."_

"Oh, I am, sir. And I'm actually waiting for someone to be brought here from our crime scene. I should probably go."

"_Go right ahead. And really, I'm sure Katie will find you soon enough."_

"Thanks. Take care of yourself."

"_I will. We'll talk again soon, I'm sure."_

She had to laugh, because the man who had absolutely no claim to her was treating her as a second daughter. "You got it."

Lanie dropped her phone on her desk after he hung up, still very uneasy about what was going on with her friend. He was probably right, that there was very little she could do right now. She knew Kate had to figure things out on her own, and she'd have to trust that it would all work out.

It wasn't until later that night, after spending the whole afternoon performing an autopsy on a woman shot in the chest, that she lost it.

And it was such a wonderful evening up until that point, too. Javier called her after the end of his shift, frustrated from the way the case was turning out, and asked her to come over. He said he'd make her dinner, whatever she wanted, and they could just relax.

So, that's how it went. He came to pick her up, and together they went and bought everything they'd need to make their dinner. Around their third date he explained to her that he did in fact know how to cook. And when she asked why, he informed her that his mother's Puerto Rican, and she and his grandmother were constantly cooking, insisting that a good man should know how to cook a good meal. His father's family was Italian descended, and just as with his maternal grandparents, his father's mother demanded that he know the family recipes. It hadn't been until his first apartment on his own that he started getting creative, combining his favorites from both sides of his family.

Tonight he was going to cook for her…or with her, whichever happened to happen. They bought all the ingredients for making what he called 'Spaghetti de Pollo A Lo Grandma' – pasta with chicken, olives, peppers and spices.

And they did just that, and they ate in comfort as they usually do at his kitchen table. When they finished and the dishes were washed, they settled down in the overstuffed couch he had saved from his cousin's apartment.

Lanie was perfectly fitted into his side, her arm draped over his stomach, his behind her back. "How could you let her just come back like that?" Her voice was a whisper, with a twinge of irritation in it.

"What do you mean? I didn't 'let' her do anything."

"But she just came back Javi, there's no way she's ready to be on cases again." It came out more frustrated than she wanted it to, and more angry.

"Hey, she passed her psych eval. But Gates won't let her have her gun back yet, she's gotta requalify, so it's not like she's completely back yet."

She shot up, her cool, collectedness melting away as fast as a snowball heading downhill. "But she's your partner! You're supposed to have her back!"

"I do Lane!" He definitely argued back, although he kept his voice level. "But I can't stop her from wanting to do her job. We knew she was going to come back eventually." Javier looked at his girlfriend. There was such a terror in her eyes, with a sheen that he knew wasn't supposed to be there. "Come here." He lifted his arm again, pulled her right back into his side as soon as she was close enough. For a moment he resigned to rub his hand back and forth on her side, not knowing quite what else would help her relax. She was breathing so deeply, and he wanted her to calm herself down before he tried to continue his point.

"I just didn't think 'eventually' would actually happen. And she hasn't talked to me in weeks. I mean, what do I do about that?"

"I know you're worried," he dropped a kiss to her head, "but trust me, I know Beckett better than you think I do. We've worked together for years. Just…let this case close, she'll think clearer then. I think she's really anxious to get back to normal. I've got my eye on her, okay? Nothing's gonna happen."

He felt her head nod against his chest, though she didn't speak.

"Just wait a little while longer. Just a couple of days. I promise."

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><p>Javier sat at his desk, watching as Beckett and Castle finished their conversation. The writer turned, on his way home for the night, leaving him to face Beckett. She started to head his way, but didn't notice him sitting there. There were only files in her hands, not her bag, so she had to be coming back. Ryan was dealing with getting their victim's boyfriend released, then all that would be left was paperwork.<p>

He strolled over to her desk, perching on the edge, with his arms folded.

She'd been back for three days, and something had to be done.

"Hey," she strode back over, file-less, and stood off to his side, behind her desk. "What's up?"

"Beckett, you need to go see Lanie." He watched, dissatisfied when her eyes darted away, her head dropping. He knew her well enough to see her thought process as it worked, how her mouth struggled to form words. "I mean it."

She sucked in a breath, sweeping stray hairs off of her face as she leaned over to pick up her bag. "I…I will, I just, have a lot on my mind, and things I need to take care of."

"Like ignoring your best friend?"

"What?" She squeaked, her face twisting in a confused, but insulted expression. "I'm not ignoring her."

"Yes," he lowered his chin, looking her dead in the eye, "you are. And it's torturing her."

"That's ridiculous. She has enough things to worry about besides me." She tried to brush him off, shuffling things around on her desk to keep from having to face him.

"No, you are what she worries about. Did you even think about how she'd handle it when you suddenly stopped returning her calls? For the past two nights I've had to keep her from going over to your place and banging the door down." He stood straight up again, and came around to stand in her way. "You need to go see her. Hell, she needs to see you whether you like it or not. And you should, because she's cares about you more than any other person on the planet besides your dad. Go see her. Now."

Standing in front of him, Kate felt how she imagined one of their suspects did in interrogation. And she was scared. "Okay," she nodded. "Alright, I'll go see her. I'm sorry, I should've thought about it more."

"Damn right you should've."

"Look," she rounded on him, "I'm sorry if I'm not exactly _myself_ lately. But, I've kind of got a lot on my mind, considering that little near-death experience. So, you'll have to forgive me if I need to be reminded of things every now and then for a little while. You don't need to treat me like a murderer."

"Beckett." He came closer, dropping his arms to his sides. "Kate. Hey, I'm sorry too. But we've been working on this for months, and worse, without you, so, we're a little tense too. But Lanie hasn't been here. She hasn't seen the files, or the effort or anything. All she does is go to work, come home, and worry about you."

"I know," she ran a hand across her face, swiping at her eyes for a brief second, "I'm really going. Seriously. I promise."

"Good."

They stood, just looking at each other for a minute. A hug in the precinct wasn't exactly permissible. Instead, they nodded with thin smiles. They had worked together long enough that they understood each other pretty well, so, neither needed to be told again what they had to do.

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><p>Kate stood outside the double doors to the morgue, shifting nervously from foot to foot, and back again. She could feel that ball of ice in the pit of her stomach, and the uneasy chill in her shoulders and hands. Esposito getting in her face over this was definitely not something she had expected. At all.<p>

And she really had been planning to see Lanie. But she was waiting until the end of the week, when she had her day off and they could make a day of it.

But now she was here, three days earlier than she expected, and she just _knew_ Lanie was going to be pissed at her.

She heard footsteps coming from her left, snapped her head in that direction. Not Lanie, but Perlmutter. She let out a sigh of relief, not entirely pleased with herself that that happened.

"Hey Beckett. Heard you're feeling better." He stopped just next to her.

"Yeah," she nodded, "Just came back the other day."

He gave her a little nod before turning to head in. "Glad to see you're doing okay."

_Okay_? She was probably anything but okay right now.

She was pacing, just a few steps each way, back and forth, her lip caught in her teeth, her mind racing to figure out exactly what it was she wanted to say, when the double doors opened and Lanie stepped in front of her.

There was no masking the shock on her face when she looked up from the file she was reading and saw Kate standing in the hallway. That shock quickly faded away to a look of disappointment and distrust.

"Why are you here?"

Kate twisted the ball of her foot into a knick in the floor. "I wanted to apologize. For not calling or…anything."

"Then what are you doing here now? It's been weeks Kate. Weeks since I heard from you. For all I know you could've taken off and left the country, or done something stupid and gotten yourself…killed."

"I know. I just didn't know how to handle myself, let alone anyone else, so I've been putting things off and I thought I'd figure it out, but I didn't. And someone who cares about both of us decided to knock some sense into me."

Lanie stared, only for a moment before marching to her office. She knew Kate would follow her, and sure enough, she heard the click of her heels against the linoleum floor. She also knew it had to be Javi who pushed her down here. He'd been too good about putting up with her for the past three days. Logically, he had to be sick of it all, too.

"And, I really am sorry, Lanie. I should've told you what was going on. But, I'm not even sure I know what was to tell you now." Kate's voiced trailed off, lost and distraught.

Lanie turned, slapping the folder on her desk with a smack. Firmly, she planted her fists on her hips, chewing on the inside of her cheek to keep from screaming.

"Do you realize how hard it was for us? For me, and for Javi and Ryan. For Castle? You were gone, Kate. Gone. You went with your dad up to his cabin, and that was it. We didn't get to see you when you were actually whole and healed again. The last time I actually saw you, you were still laying in that hospital bed. It tore me up knowing you were so far away."

"Lanie, I-"

"No, you need to hear this. Don't you remember that we were there, too? Kate I had your blood on my hands. Literally. You faded away right in front of me, and there was nothing I could do about it." Her voice was coming out in strained spurts. Faster and faster, in a fit of anger and fear and sadness. "You can't just cut me out like that. We're supposed to be best friends."

Kate rushed across the room, angry with herself and the heat she felt in her face and eyes. She grabbed Lanie, and in a fierce hug they both gasped for air.

"I'm so sorry Lanie. For everything. But I can't do anything about it now. I can't take back what I did, or…didn't do, even though I really wish I could. All I can do is keep apologizing an hope you love me enough to forgive me."

"Kate," Lanie pushed them apart, leaning back against her desk, "I don't want you to apologize. I just want you to remember that yeah, I do love you, you're the closet thing I ever had to a sister, and I want you to remember that I'm here for you. Even if you don't know what you need."

"I know. And it goes both ways, you know?" She watched as Lanie nodded. "I just want my best friend back. I can't feel so alone anymore."

"Oh, honey," she smiled, happy to have Kate standing in front of her in one whole piece, "you're never gonna be alone. Not as long as I'm around."

"Good, because I'm pretty sure I'm enough of a walking disaster as it is." They laughed, only slightly. There was still a huge elephant sitting in Lanie's office with them. "I've decided to go back to my therapist. Just to try and help figure some things out."

"Oh? Should I be worried?"

"No," she shook her head 'no' with a thin smile. "It's nothing that anyone else but me needs to worry about right now. But, I promise, I'm okay. I'm alright again, it's just…memories that are bothering me."

"Okay." She sounded wary, "But you come talk to me, whenever you need to. Don't even give it a second thought."

"I will, really. I'm not planning on disappearing like that again."

"You better not," Lanie moved to the back of her desk, laughing, but with a serious undertone, "or I'll have to kill you. And Javi would back me up."

"Trust me, I know he would! I thought he was gonna kill me before I could make it down here. He really loves you, don't screw it up."

"I'm sorry, but you must be confusing me with someone else. No way am I letting that man get away. He's too good to me. And believe it or not he's a pretty damn good cook, too."

"No!"

"Yes! I'll have him make dinner for you one night. Promise."

"I'll be looking forward to it," she smirked. "So, I guess I'll let you get back to work?"

"Eh," she cocked her head, "my customers aren't going anywhere. And I don't have any detectives breathing down my neck for information right now, anyway. You want to go grab something to eat? A drink?"

"I'm not really allowed to have too much to drink just yet." She didn't miss the pause it gave her friend's breathing. "How about just some coffee and dessert in the middle of the day?"

"Sounds perfect. Just let me change."

Kate nodded, waiting as Lanie went to change from her scrubs to street clothes. How she let herself let this happen was completely unexplainable. Lanie was her best friend. A title that people are lucky to claim, one she was reluctant to give out. Only a handful of people in her life mattered enough. And Lanie was definitely one of them.

"Alright." Lanie reappeared, dressed in normal clothes, her scrubs folded and ready to be washed. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," grinning she stood from the chair she had dropped herself into, "let's go. It's a pretty nice day out."

"Well good, how about we walk, then?"

"I'm up for it if you are."

"Definitely."

The two stood together to leave. They both knew that they needed each other and cared for each other. Nothing could ever change that. Not even a rough patch of uneasiness or a gunshot.

* * *

><p><em>Thank you so much for being such amazing readers! Lots of love! Let me know what you think!<em>

_**Tappin**_


	3. Chapter 3

_Yay! Chapter 3! Did I plan on writing this past chapter two? Nope. But that's okay, right?_

_Disclaimer: One day I'll work for a show like Castle, but not yet. Just borrowing._

_Read on!_

* * *

><p>"So, hot date with a book and a bottle of wine?" Rick leaned across the space as the doors slid closed, to hit the call button for 'ground' before moving to join her standing at the back of the elevator.<p>

"Why Castle," she teased, ever so slightly turning her head to look at him, "you scared to be home alone?"

"Why, Detective Beckett is this you inviting yourself over to…keep me company?"

She scoffed, "Not a chance. And, I've got plans, thank you very much. Whether or not they involve a bottle of wine, I can't say for sure, yet."

"Going to see Lanie?" He stood, lazily swaying back and forth where he stood beside her.

She cocked her head, brows pinched together. "How'd you know?"

"Not too hard to figure out. If the look on Esposito's face was any indication, I'm sure she's not feeling to great right about now. And experience with Alexis's friends tells me that the best friend would probably be inclined to stick for the aftermath of a fight."

"Mmm," she nodded, pushing off the wall when the doors pinged open, "Look at you, thinking like a detective. Putting clues together."

"Well, I like to think that some of your skills rubbed off on me." The instant the words were out of his mouth he froze. "Not…that way."

"Anyway," she sighed, walking up to her car, "yes, I'm going to see Lanie. So, it looks like you'll be all alone in your big scary Uptown loft." She threw that playful grin at him that she knew made him get slack-jawed and nervous.

"Contrary to what you believe, I will not be all alone. Alexis and I have a movie to finish."

"Uh-huh. Let me just give you some advice then. After seeing how you reacted in the Maclaren house? With the rat? And the body?" She stepped around him, resting her hand on the door handle before she leaned forward, dropping her voice to a whisper, "Keep the lights on." She turned from him, laughing as she opened the driver's side door and tossed her bag into the back seat. "Need a ride?"

"No. Thank you." He shrugged, "I'm perfectly okay with taking a cab. Wouldn't want a skeptic like you to have to spend anymore time with a believer like me. You know, it wouldn't kill you to have a little fun, Detective."

"Oh Castle, don't you wish you knew just how much fun I have."

"I'm taking the high road here and I'm not going to fall for any of your attempts to get me to put my foot in my mouth." He smiled, thin and jesting, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Night, Castle." Kate climbed into her car, quickly texting Lanie her ETA while she watched Castle head for the street. The cop in her made her sit and wait until he had actually gotten in a car and was headed off. Describing today as a 'long day' was an understatement.

And she knew it wouldn't necessarily get any easier after she got to Lanie's.

* * *

><p>When Lanie opened the door to her apartment, Kate instantly felt the tug in her chest. And it wasn't from her scar. Lanie's face was completely slack, evidence of tears on her cheeks. "Hey." Her voice was even raspy and strained when she spoke. "Did you get everything?"<p>

Kate nodded, "Yeah," she held up the two cloth grocery bags she had stopped and filled up on her way over. "Ice cream, sugar and your favorite bottle of chardonnay."

The strength literally fell form her body, Kate noticed as Lanie's shoulders slumped forward with her breath. Kate worried that if she blew too hard she'd knock the woman over. "Come on in."

The detective followed the ME inside, slipping off her shoes and coat while her friend carried the goods to the table. "Geez, Kate! Did you leave anything on the shelf?"

Kate laughed faintly as she padded to Lanie's side. With another pair of hands everything she had bought was quickly out of the bag and strewn across the tabletop. It was a mountain. A mountain of almost every possible brand of sugary crap Kate could find, piled beside the small hill of Ben and Jerry's tubs. "I had to stop when I hit six flavors," Kate motioned to the hill, "I figured I at least managed to gather a variety."

Lanie looked down at the labels. "S'mores, Cherry Garcia, Brownie Batter, Peach Cobbler, Triple Carmel Chunk." She laughed. It sounded bittersweet. "Yep! I'd say you got all the hits."

"Good!" Kate called out to her as she moved into Lanie's kitchen, "I'll meet you at the couch."

Lanie tossed her head back, scrubbed her hands over her face. She felt awful. Heavy and raw. But now her best friend was here with sugar and alcohol, and that made breathing a little easier. Kate would let her talk and yell or cry, whatever she wanted. So, she snagged the tubs of Peach Cobbler and S'Mores, balancing them in her left hand as she grabbed as much of the candy as she could fit in between the fingers her right.

When Kate made it to the couch it was with two spoons, S'mores and Cherry Garcia in hand. "Alright," she passed Lanie a spoon and they both broke the seals on the containers and bags, "what happened? Neither of the boys were really speaking today, at least not to me, so I'm guessing it wasn't pretty."

"It was a trainwreck. Started out perfectly, though. I got off my shift and Javi picked me up, and things were great. I felt good, despite the fact that I had been working for the past 12 hours, but…it was good. And the place was great, quiet. And Ryan and Jenny were wonderful."

"But…"

"But then the wedding thing came up," she paused, the tip of her spoon digging into the top of the ice cream, "and Jenny asked when we were getting married."

"Ooh," Kate hissed, her face pulled back, her bottom lip between her teeth. "That's-"

"Yeah."

"Well….what happened?"

"Nothing happened," she practically screamed, the spoon now stabbing into the frozen treat, "not, until we got back here that is."

"_Lanie, what do you want me to say?" Javier strained, not wanting to yell but having a hard time containing his frustration. "I told you, I'm sorry. I didn't know it would come up."_

"_Who says that? How can someone just assume we know right this second that we're going to get married? This was the first time she's ever seen us!"  
><em>

"_Lain, give her some credit. Like you just said, it was the first time she's seen us together." He reached out to her but she didn't stop the pacing she was doing in front of him. There was no other choice but for him to simply settle back against the counter. He was completely lost, and could barely figure out what to say. "She didn't know any better."_

"_Really? You're taking her side?" _

"_No! No, Lain, I'm not taking her side. I'm just saying, it was an innocent comment." He huffed, frustrated and starting to get angry himself. "I should've listened to Ryan."_

_She stared him down, her heel boring a hole into the kitchen floor. "What's that supposed to mean?"_

"_Nothing! __I __just__…" __he __looked __down __at __his __shoes, __totally __trapped,__ "__I_ _sort __of __mentioned __that __I __knew __it __was __going __to __be __a __long __day __for __you, __and __he __asked __if __I __wanted __to __change __the __night __of __the __date. __To __make __things __easier.__" __He __looked __up, __panicked,__ "__So __that __you __didn__'__t __have __to __come __off __of __a __double __shift __and __go __out __to __dinner __with __someone __you__'__ve __never __met __before.__"_

"_Well," she dismissed, "wasn't that nice of him."_

"_Yeah," he argued right back, teeth gritted, "it was. He didn't want to make you do something that you didn't want to do. Because he's our friend."_

"_Because you two are attached at the hip! If he decided to go jump off the Brooklyn Bridge you'd follow him!"_

"_Lanie he's my partner! And he's known you almost as long as I have. He was trying to be considerate."_

"_Oh, please."_

"_Lanie, I mean it. I was the one who said we should keep our plans. I knew how you were looking forward to it. Seriously, why does this have to be such a big deal?"_

"_Because," her voice cracked, "because they scare the hell out of me."_

_He snapped up, finally taking in the freaked out look on her face, and the shakiness in her hands. "Who?" He asked. "Ryan and Jenny?" She didn't answer. Just folded her arms across her chest as she stared at him through glassy eyes. "Why?"_

"_Because…they're, perfect. The perfect little couple, and they're going to have the perfect little wedding, and the perfect little life. And they're so damn excited about getting married!"_

"_Lanie," his voice dropped to half its volume, "is the idea of marrying me such a terrible thought?"_

_When she looked up, he felt as if someone punched him square in the gut. All the air left his lungs, and he could've sworn someone just put the weight of the world back on his shoulders. _

"_No." She gasped, "It's not, it's not you. It's just that it's all so much. And all at once. And everything's happening, and I really do love you. So much that sometimes I feel like I have to be dreaming, and it hurts, because I want to just be happy. But the thought of that big white wedding and a house and a family? Javi, I don't know if I'm ready for that. And sometimes it catches me off guard. The thought of it? It sounds so wonderful, but then I remember everything, and I can't take it-"_

"_What's everything? Lanie what the hell are you talking about? Why does this suddenly mean so much to you?"_

"_I just-" she had to take a deep breath, to calm the crashing waves that were slamming through her chest "I don't know if I want something so serious right now."_

_They stood on opposite sides of the kitchen in complete silence for a long moment. "Alright," he sighed, "fine. Then what do you want? Are you saying you want to break up?"_

"_No! No, I'm saying…I think, we should just, cool down a bit. Just for now."_

"_Okay," he sounded so dejected and lost, "Okay. I'm gonna go then. Call me when you figure out what you want."_

_Without another word he pushed away from her counter and left. Left her standing alone._

"Wow. So, he just left?" Kate was tentative to pose the question, but knew she had to ask it all the same. Lanie needed some sort of jumping off point.

"Mhmm. He just left, and I haven't talked to him since. It's only been a day, but still."

"Yeah," she agreed. "Still hurts."

Lanie leaned forward, swapping the cardboard container of ice cream for the bag of gummy bears. There was a sort of faint groan as she settled into the couch that she couldn't seem to stop. She didn't want to cry, she really didn't. But it hurt so damn much. "I really don't even know how I let it get this bad."

"Bad, meaning holding in all your feelings like I do? Or bad, meaning, how much you love him?"

Kate peered over her own container, now almost half-eaten, and watched as the wheels turned in Lanie's head. The apartment was so silent otherwise she could practically hear her thinking. She finally broke her focus on the colored sugar in her hand and looked at Kate. There was a deep, straining look in her eyes. One of fear and love, but also sheer upset.

"Can't it be both?" She whispered.

The detective froze. She had a feeling that was right around the answer she'd get. But it had to come out. Kate hadn't thought that _she_ would be so tense over someone else's love life, but here she was curled up on the couch with her best friend, almost as miserable.

"I think so." Kate spun her spoon back and forth. It was easier as the ice cream melted, "Are you really that afraid to marry him?"

"I hadn't really thought about it as much as I probably led him to believe. Not _that_ much, until last night. Not until Javier asked them how the planning was going and the two of them launched into 'wedding one-oh-one', telling us all about colors and patterns and seating charts. And then it all just….hit me."

"Sucks when things smack you in the face like that, doesn't it?"

"You're telling me."

"But really, Lanie. Is it that you don't want to be married to Esposito? Or that you don't want to be married at all?"

"You know, that day at the funeral, I thought I was petrified. Every time I looked at Montgomery's wife I wanted to run. I, I can't be her Kate. I wouldn't make it. She was so clearly _so_ in love with him. And she had to bury him."

It still stung, Kate found. But the shock had lessened. She supposed it was probably a good thing that she could think about her Captain now, and not get lost in that cloud of panic and pain. But she hadn't thought of it from Lanie's perspective – as a woman in love with a cop. In love with someone who could so easily be shot and killed in a split second.

"I wouldn't be able to handle it, if something happened to him."

"So, pushing him away is the best answer?" She moved to put the tub on the coffee table, scooting just barely closer to Lanie.

"You're one to talk." She was almost laughing as she struggled not to loose control.

"Hey," Kate forced, "I may not have any of my own decent relationship experience, but I can sure as hell recognize someone else's happiness. And Lanie, I've never seen you so happy as you've been with Esposito."

A single tear slipped down Lanie's cheek. The façade was beginning to crack. "I just, wasn't expecting it, I guess. And every time Ryan and Jenny looked at each other, I couldn't help but wonder if she's just as scared. Kate, we all saw you get shot, we _know_ what can happen."

"So you're going to let that get in the way of you living your life? Put everything worthwhile aside because of a 'what if'? Lanie," Kate smiled, "I hate to tell you this, but you're already stuck. You're so obviously into him. If you didn't care so much we wouldn't be sitting here right now having this conversation."

An impossibly thin smile appeared on Lanie's face, though her quiet laugh was still watery and shakey. "I know. And it scares the hell 'outta me."

"Yeah, I bet it does."

"You should know," Lanie tossed back at her.

"Shut up," Kate leaned back into the corner of the couch, pulling a bag of Twizzlers with her. "Besides, tonight's for talking about your problems, not mine. Don't think I'm not going to take advantage of the chance to be the voice of reason for once."

"You're terrible."

"You love it," Kate volleyed.

Lanie tilted her head, feeling just a little bit lighter. "Yeah, yeah. Don't let it go to your head."

"Really, Lanie. You and Esposito are such a good couple. You just can't compare you two to Ryan and Jenny. The two of them are so sweet it makes my teeth hurt."

"You sure it's not all this crap we're eating?"

They laughed. A full, best friend, girl talk laugh. Suddenly the room didn't feel so crowded to Lanie. The weight had eased up a little, leaving a sick, empty feeling behind.

"I feel terrible. I over-reacted."

"Maybe a little," Kate allowed. "But you have pretty fair rationalization - the whole, woman in love thing. Just give yourself a few days to get your footing, then talk to him."

"Do you think he'll forgive me?" She was scared again, clearly, Kate could tell.

"Lanie, if you'd seen his face today, you'd know he'll understand. He looked crushed."

"I said some terrible things about Ryan. Or at least implied it. And Javi's not an idiot, I'm sure he came to conclusions." Both bags of candy were let to slide to the floor, leaving the two facing each other on the couch.

"I'm sure he knows that it was in the heat of the moment. Pretty sure we've all said things we didn't mean at one time or another."

"You really think so?"

"Lanie, the man is in love with you. He just may not be great at knowing how to handle everything. That's why he needs you to kick his ass and tell him what to do."

The ME rolled her eyes, an airy laugh on her lips, "Kicking his ass might not be the best course of action here."

"Please, he loves that you have opinions and don't just sit around all day like a kept woman. You make him think, and that makes it easier. That you get everything, you know? I've worked with you both for a long time, and to be perfectly honest, I'm surprised you never got together sooner. You'll figure things out, trust me."

"Alright. I'll call him in a couple of days and I'll call him. Do you think I should apologize to Ryan? I mean, dinner got really, _really_ awkward after that."

"Up to you, if you really feel bad about it, I mean, it couldn't hurt. But like Esposito, Ryan's a good guy. He'll understand."

"Okay," she sighed, then rounded and pointed her finger in Kate's face. "You just wait, Kate Beckett, in no time we'll be back to talking about your love life."

"Pfft," she blew air between her teeth, "what love life?"

"And that's exactly my point. You need some fun."

"Lanie, I promise, I'm getting there. I'll figure things out and I'll be _sure _to let you know."

"Damn right you'll let me know. I'm not used to being on this end of the conversation."

"Hah!" Kate nearly jumped from the couch in exclamation, "See? It's not so fun on the receiving end. I happen to rather like this change of pace, though. Reminds me that you're just as much a normal, messed up woman as me."

Lanie rolled her eyes. "Yeah right. One slip up and I get demoted to 'messed up'?"

"If I have to be messed up, it's your job as my best friend to be messed up, too. It's only fair."

For a moment Lanie simply looked at Kate. She had been doing so much better since coming back. From when she could gather when they spoke, she didn't let herself get so lost in cases anymore, and she went home at a normal time. She smiled more and joked. Even so, there was still a faint sadness in her eyes, and maybe a little bit of confusion.

But she was still Kate. Still her best friend. The one she called when she found herself floundering, for once in her life, who came over with a ridiculous amount of junk food and sat on her couch with her to talk and try to give advice.

"For you I think I can stand to be messed up. Only as long as we're messed up together. We've got to try to normal somehow."

"Normal?" Kate asked, "What are you talking about? Us? Normal? Not a chance. And I kind of like it that way."

"Yeah," Lanie said on a laugh, reaching back down for the candy, "I do too. And thanks, for all this."

"No need to thank me. It's my job. But," Kate smiled, "you're welcome. I'll always have time for us. We need to do this more often. Maybe next time without the tears and depressing stories."

"You got it. Next weekend, we'll go do something fun."

"It's a date Doctor Parish."

It was enough, Lanie thought as they opened more ice cream and candy, and the bottle of wine that had been sitting in the kitchen. It was enough to have that one perfect friend who was always there no matter what. They had their rough times, true enough, the summer was proof of that, but they knew they'd always have each other, and they'd figure things out from there.

* * *

><p><em>Thank you all for reading this story. I really do love writing for these two. And the next time I add to this, i'll try to make it a happier chapter. I promise. I'm trying to keep it within the proper timeline though, so it's all dependent on the episodes. This just felt completely necessary after "Demons".<em>

_And for anyone who started reading "To Shatter Illusions", thanks so so much for being so awesome. I'm excited about it. But, you've got to bear with me, because a crap ton of work just popped up for my classes, and I can't promise when I'll be able to write. I'm workin' on it though!_

_Again, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!_

**_Tappin_**

**_=)_**


	4. Chapter 4

_A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. _  
><em>-Lois Wyse<em>

* * *

><p>The music thumped through the speakers as the crowd packed themselves onto the dance floor. It was not, by any means, the sort of place they usually went when they had a night out. But it had been a while – too long, and when Lanie said 'let's give it an hour', Kate said 'why not?'.<p>

The two women were perched at the bar, just enjoying watching the mass of near-drunken, and past-drunken men and women. There was a couple that couldn't seem to figure out if they were going to dance or stand, so they were moving in some odd, half-sway, half-bouncing movement in the corner. Another couple that was so far gone that their hands clearly had developed minds of their own, and were roaming in _quite_ interesting ways.

"Can you believe people let themselves act like that in public?" Lanie laughed as she spun her martini glass gently between her thumb and first two fingers. "I mean, really."

"Well," Kate shrugged, watching the pair, amused, "I guess if you're gonna enjoy the hard stuff you might as well _enjoy_ it." She took a sip from her glass, "Personally, I'd actually want to remember my evening the next morning."

The pair sipped from their drinks, eyes on a plethora of couples in various stages of groping or what they assumed was supposed to be dancing.

Kate turned to Lanie, eyes squinted, totally baffled. "Remind me again why we picked this place?"

Lanie laughed, "Because you walked into my office and said you needed a night out like you need air. And you wanted to give 'loud' a try. That's why. Remember?"

Head quirked, Kate remembered back to the incident in Lanie's office three days prior, when with her hands shoved in her coat pocket, she practically begged Lanie to go out on a girls' night. It had been too long, even though they had said after the whole "haunted house" deal that they needed to get out. But after being handcuffed to Castle in the dark, with a tiger, Kate had decided she needed it. Badly.

"Oh yeah." She looked around at the bar, "I don't think I really like 'loud.'" They laughed, "You wanna go to the usual place?"

Lanie smiled and tossed back the little bit of her drink that was left in the glass, licking the leftover cocoa from her chocolate martini off the tip of her finger, "Let's get out of here."

Catching the eye of the bartender, they laid down the money for the two drinks they had, and gathered coats and gloves. Kate suggested they walk the few blocks to their favorite club instead of try to hail a cab at the late hour, making Lanie huff with frustration, though she agreed anyway.

When they walked in, the place was dim and smoky, but the good kind of smoky that they loved, and smelled faintly of alcohol and aged sheet music. It had a history to it. Classy, jazz melodies danced from the speakers, and with a glance at the small stage at the back of the club they could tell the headliner for the night either hadn't gone on yet or was taking a break.

They slid into their favorite booth after making their orders, pleased that the Blue Note wasn't obnoxiously busy tonight.

"So, are you going to explain to me how the hell you and Castle managed to not only get handcuffed to each other, but how you ended up playing human keep-away with a tiger?"

Kate's mouth fell open, "Alright, I know you're still not talking to Esposito, so how'd you find out? And I was going to tell you tonight, I swear."

"Mhmm…." Lanie's brow popped with her trademark eye roll, "Honey, _nothing_ stays a secret when it comes to you and Castle. One of the unis said something to an OCME buddy, who told me because he knows I'm friends with you. If you want something to stay a secret, it needs to be something that doesn't require the boys coming in and bailing your ass out."

Kate scoffed, "I swear, it's worse than high school."

Lanie just stared her down, waiting for the story.

"Fine," Kate slapped her arms against the table top, fiddled with the cocktail ring sitting on her right middle finger. "We were looking for a lead, on what the victim was into, and we basically got trapped. This…creepy old woman had us thinking she needed rescuing, and we got tranqued, and then the next thing I know we're waking up in some basement handcuffed together."

"Okay….but that still doesn't explain the tiger."

"Yeah," Kate nodded, biting her lip, "that creepy old woman? She and her sons were trafficking tigers illegally, and we got in their way." She looked up and saw her friend staring at her, confused but entertained. "And that's…pretty much it."

"'Creepy old woman'? Really, Kate?"

"Lanie, I swear. She was the creepiest, most disturbing woman I've ever seen, in my life. I'm definitely sworn off horror movies for the foreseeable future."

Lanie stared for a moment, before cracking a smile at Kate's obviously disturbed memory. "Fine, fine. I believe you. But really, girl," Lanie grinned, shaking her head from across the table, "how the hell do these things keep happening to you? I don't seem to remember you getting in nearly this much trouble before Castle came along."

"I know, right?" Kate laughed, "I think he's a disaster magnet or something."

"You guys should trade some time, you take Ryan and Esposito takes Castle. See what happens. Test the theory."

Kate squinted at her friend, "You sure you're just not feeling a little pissed at Esposito, still?"

Lanie hummed and shrugged in the teasing way that women 'on a break' often do. "Maybe a little." She laughed when Kate gave her that you-know-you're-being-ridiculous look, "Come on, you know I'm not serious. And besides, you guys always make it out alive! I just want to know who really brings on the trouble, you or Castle?"

"Fine then, you take Castle to work one day." Kate challenged.

"Are you kidding me? Castle? And all that medical equipment? I'd end up taking him to the Emergency Room because he can't listen and cut himself on a saw or scalpel or something."

"Well then I guess you have your answer as to who the disaster magnet is then, don't you?" Kate smirked.

"Oh, shut up."

They both did when they heard the tell tale tap of a finger against the microphone. Some young girl they had never seen before stepped up with a pianist and went right into soft soulful strains of "I'll Be Seeing You".

"She's good." Lanie commented.

"She is," Kate agreed, watching the girl, who had to be just barely twenty-one, for another moment before turning back to Lanie. "She must be new."

"Well, we also haven't been here in a while."

"True. We need to do this more often. Or…something." Kate stared into her now empty glass and frowned. "I can't decide if I want another or if I should pace myself."

"How so?" Lanie mirrored the frown, suspiciously.

"Physical therapist gave me the all clear to drink again a while ago, but I had an…incident, a couple of weeks ago and he told me to dial it back for a few weeks."

She hadn't told Lanie about her breakdown during the sniper case – she hadn't told anyone but her therapist - though she suspected she knew. Because, after all, there were no secrets among her co-workers. At least, if someone knew they kept their mouth shut. Roger really had told her to lay off the hard stuff for a couple more weeks, something about muscle tone that she didn't really understand, but Dr. Burke also had her on a very mild anti-psychotic for a week after the case, and she was supposed to be 'easing back into things'.

Lanie's hand slid over hers, knowing and loving. With her free one she reached over and slid Kate's glass to the end of the table, and pushed hers right behind it. "I think…" she gave Kate a warm smile, "we want to remember our night, tomorrow. Right?"

Kate flipped her hand up, squeezed Lanie's. "Right."

They stayed in their little booth and enjoyed the rest of the new girl's set, agreeing again that she was good. Following her was a jazz quartet, four of the most attractive musicians the two had ever laid eyes on, before there was another break for the recorded compilation the club had put together.

"So?" Lanie leaned her elbows against the table, "time to go?"

Kate sighed with a smile and took a glance at her phone. It was nearly midnight. They had been sitting, listening to music for nearly three hours. "Sure."

They stepped out onto the street, into the cool December air of New York, to find that it had started snowing.

"I thought it wasn't supposed to snow!" Lanie exclaimed, pulling her coat tighter around her body. "Isn't this like, the warmest winter on record for New York or something?"

Kate laughed as she tugged on her scarf, "Come on, you'll get in a cab, you'll get to your apartment and warm up for the night. Stop complaining." She hip-checked her friend as they approached the curb, oddly, lucky enough to catch a cab on just the second try. They had slid in, reveled in the warmth, and settled back for the stop-and-go ride to their apartments, when Lanie turned to Kate.

"You know, we should've gone up to that quartet when they finished playing. Asked them out?"

"Are you kidding me?" Kate let out a light laugh, "And what would we have done then? Picked two and cut the other two loose? They're not fish, Lanie."

"No! Two each!" Their laughter echoed through the cab and Kate was never more grateful for the fact that cabbies seemed to have some unspoken deal not to show any emotion or opinion. "Besides, why then do people say there's plenty of fish in the sea? It's a stupid metaphor if we can't play it that way."

Kate grinned when the cab pulled up outside of her building, "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" She waited for Lanie's nod, and the accompanying eye roll before she closed the cab door with a laugh.

* * *

><p><em>My problem is, I'm having really odd cycles of writer's block where I stare at blank documents and can't think of anything, and then I completely hate what I end up writing. So that's why this has taken so long to get up.<em>

_I honestly don't think this is the best I could do for this chapter, but I am satisfied with the way it turned out. I wanted to get them out, having a good time, and I think the things this chapter addressed needed to be addressed. _

_Updates for this fic will probably be on the shorter side, and I have 2 more in mind at the moment. But, the story is, I have mid-terms next week, THEN spring break, when I can hopefully get some writing time in. _

_Thanks to ajksmusic for being my beta here. And thanks so much to everyone who reads this, I really do love writing Kate and Lanie. _

**_Tappin_**  
><strong><em>=) <em>**

**_Thoughts?_**


	5. Chapter 5

_Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over._  
><em>-Gloria Naylor<br>_

* * *

><p>The party was in full swing around them, music blaring, guests dancing, and a number of small children chasing each other around the ballroom. Jenny had planned quite the wedding.<p>

Lanie and Kate watched from their table as they sipped from glasses of champagne. Both pairs of shoes had long been forgotten after the ladies had been dragged to the dance floor by detectives and a writer, and in one case, a very charming ten year-old who couldn't decide which beautiful woman to dance with.

"So," Lanie lowered her glass and eyed her friend, "Castle's your date?"

"He's not my 'date', Lanie. We're just, avoiding the singles table." She nodded over to the table in the corner, hosting a handful of the…_odder_ guests. "And, Alexis was supposed to come but got invited to something else last minute."

"So, what's your excuse?"

Kate glared.

"I'm just curious, why didn't you bring a date?"

"Lanie, I don't have anyone to bring. Why are you trying to rub it in?"

Lanie sighed, "I'm not trying to rub it in, I just think you could've very easily found a date. You know…besides Castle." She held up a hand to Kate's protest. "I'm sorry. Not Castle."

"I haven't been on a date since Josh. You know that." She absently spun the flute between her thumb and forefingers. "I just, haven't been in a dating mood."

"Oh, so now there's a mood?"

"Whatever," she tossed back the last drop of her drink and rested the glass on the table. "Anyway, what's the deal with this doctor guy?" She turned to look at the tall gentleman chatting up the bartender. "You didn't tell me much."

"He's a friend. And," she shrugged, "I didn't want to be sitting here alone when I knew _that_ was gonna happen." Lanie looked over to the edge of the dance floor where Esposito was standing with his 'date'.

"Lanie, she's his cousin. You should've seen him this week, running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to find someone to bring." The detective couldn't help but to laugh. She loved her friends, but they were getting to the point of ridiculousness. "He wasn't too keen on the idea of seeing you with someone else either."

Her friend didn't say anything, just leaned back in her chair, eyeing the dance floor.

"Really, Lanie. You two are driving me crazy. Just kiss and make up, and go back to being as happy as you were."

Lanie turned, giving Kate a sly, knowing look. "Not so much fun from that side is it?"

"What _side_? I just want you to be happy. And you are when you're with him."

Lanie nodded, "Exactly."

Kate sighed and stood up, "Sure, Lanie, whatever you say. I'm going to get a glass of water. Want one?" At Lanie's agreement she headed for the bar. The evening was nearly over and Lanie and Esposito had been skirting around each other for the entirety. She leaned against the bar behind who she was pretty sure were Ryan's uncles – or maybe Jenny's? - as they waited for their glasses.

"Having fun yet?" She turned and found herself face to face with Ryan. Kate smiled, leaned in to give him what was probably a fourth hug since she arrived.

"It's fantastic Kevin. Everything's great."

A faint smile appeared on his face as he let out a small, satisfied sigh. "Thanks. Jenny worked really hard on it all."

"Well, she did a wonderful job. Really."

She ordered the water and stepped back as Ryan did the same.

"So," he shifted, foot-to-foot, "I saw Lanie's doctor friend step out with the other bartender."

She nodded. "I'm trying to get her to go grab Esposito and just forget everything. As you can see, it's not really working too well."

"Yeah," he mirrored her disappointed yet hopeful expression, "I keep telling Javi to just go ask her to dance. I think he's afraid it's a lost cause."

"Definitely not," she shook her head and watched her fellow detective, where he still stood on the other side of the room. "I think that neither of them want to make the first move."

"Frustrating, isn't it? When you know two people who should be together but they won't let it happen?"

He backed away with a smile and Kate watched as he found his bride among the crowd, pressed a kiss to her cheek. They were all silly smiles and sparkly eyes. They were a perfect couple. Her eyes drifted back to Lanie, who was in the middle of some conversation with one of the groomsmen, then to Esposito, who appeared to be arguing with is "date" about something.

She was just about to head back to the table when his cousin gave him a push and he walked over to Lanie.

Kate felt a little like some sort of voyeur, watching her two friends kind-of-sort-of make up, Esposito pulling her up from the chair and to a quieter corner of the dance floor. She sighed with a smile, settling back into her chair, as she watched the two of them sway back and forth, ever so slightly, whispering back and forth. The light at the end of the tunnel of their "separation" could be seen. Clearly, when the pair smiled, Lanie settled her head against his shoulder, and Esposito dropped a light kiss to her head.

Things were going well for everyone, it seemed.

But as Kate looked around at the now empty table she was seated at, she realized things weren't quite right for her…yet.

The band announced their short break and some smooth jazz came over the sound system.

"Still sitting here, I see."

Kate pinched her lips and lifted her brow. "Well, someone abandoned me."

Lanie's head tilted at the remark. "He…asked me to dance, and if I wanted to get coffee with him tomorrow morning."

"So things are better?"

The medical examiner smiled, sweetly, and shrugged one shoulder. "Getting there. Thank you, for oh so gently shoving me."

"Gotta return the favor every once in a while, don't I?" Kate smirked.

Lanie replied with a hum, "Too bad you haven't gotten the picture yet."

Just as Kate opened her mouth to reply there was light tapping against her shoulder. Lanie made some pitiful remark of excusing herself and was gone within the seconds it took for Kate to turn and find herself looking at Castle. Her 'not' date.

"Care to dance, Detective?"

She leaned back a little in her chair, away from the hands he had braced on the back of it. "Why, Castle? Bridesmaids already taken?" Her lips pinched together in a teasing, tentative smile.

He shook his head at her. "Didn't even try." He held out his hand for her this time, "Come on. One dance. Won't kill you, I'm sure."

"Well," she showed her teeth then, smiling as she took his hand, "only if you're sure."

He led her to the dance floor just when the band came back, a lighter tune, not so much a slow dance, but not yet a cha-cha, either. Just right. She let him take her right hand in his left, hers on his shoulder, and laughed when he hesitated to put his other hand on her waist.

"You can put your hand there Castle, I trust you to not feel me up."

"Glad to know I have your confidence."

"Yeah, well," she looked at him seriously, "I'm also fairly certain that you know I could kick your ass."

He tilted his head. "True."

They swayed with no particular purpose for a few bars before she spoke up.

"So, where've you been? I haven't seen you in a while."

"I was on the phone with Alexis," he sighed. "She wanted to tell me about the event they were at and how amazing it was. And how wonderful the boy was."

"The boy?"

"Yes. The boy. I refuse to acknowledge that he has a real name. I thought she'd be sworn off of boys for a bit longer."

Kate laughed. "Castle, no matter how much you want to believe that, or tell yourself that, there's always going to be one guy for her, who comes around and picks up the pieces, even if it's just for one night, and makes her feel like men aren't the scum of the earth."

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience."

Her smile eased off, not disappearing completely, just…relaxing. She ducked her head, just slightly, and leaned in a little closer to his hold.

Her voice was a barely audible whisper.

"Yeah."

* * *

><p><em>Yeah, I don't really know what this is. I just wanted to write it. I can't decide how I really feel about it, since it's short and not as LanieKate focused as I wanted it to be. But I think it works. I hope? _

_I'm on the fence about if I should keep adding to this or not. But at this point I kind of feel like I need to follow it through the end of the season. I also just enjoy these characters. Hence my dilemma. Hope someone's still reading and enjoying it. _

_Any thoughts?_

_**Tappin**_


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